“There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.” – Anonymous
Over the course of a mother’s life, there is nothing like the loss of a child. This is much painful than divorce or even the death of her parents or siblings. The child is of her own life and blood, dependent on her insides for the full nine months until at least ten years of his child life. What does it matter at what age the baby dies; they’re all of the same magnitude of pain. Most people don’t understand how a mother feels the same grief for a lost unborn child and that of an adult child. The following might be of help to get through sad times:
Acknowledge the grief. Know that you have the right to grieve and no one, not even your husband can stop you from grieving.
Don’t rush it. There is no time table for your grieving. Let everything else wait. Do what works for you though because on some mothers, going back to work as soon as possible helps.
Be kind to yourself. This line from Desiderata is as true to anything as to a mother’s grieving. The loss might bring about guilt feelings for unanswered questions of what really happened; why the child died. It’s nobody’s fault; not yours nor the doctor’s.
Treat your grief as if you’ve just undergone an open heart surgery. It is scientifically proven that losing a child is comparable to having a major physical injury. What would you do if you just had an open heart surgery? You’d naturally eat slower, rest more and move around less. Do the same.
Read self-help books. Reading has a therapeutic effect. Read books on how to cope with grief. Biographies of notable people who had similar experiences are must-reads as well.
Call friends or find a support group. For anyone who undergoes a difficult phase in his life, a support group is always a good option. If you have friends whom you can count on, then keep in touch with them. Stay away from negative vibes for awhile even if it means staying away from family (if it helps).
Don’t make major decisions. There’s an old adage saying, “Don’t make promises when happy and don’t make decisions when mad.” You’re more likely than not blinded by your feelings at this time; thus, it is not advisable to decide. Otherwise, you’ll have plenty of regrets to deal with when you’ve sobered up.
Make sure though that you have personally attended or at least checked on the funeral arrangements and memorial service program of your child. This is very well your last farewell gift for your baby.